Time

So many thoughts...

Connor woke up at 5:30 AM for no apparent reason other than wanting to be held. We snugged in my bed (a rare treat - so much so that I can count on one hand the number of times that we have done it) until Kevin's alarm woke me up again. Then I watched him sleep. And debated whether or not I could move and restore circulation to my arm without waking him.

I spent the last two nights trying to list all the excursions that were on my to do list and figure out how to fit them all into the coming weeks and months ahead. Only to discover that there were too many things on the list, and simply not enough time to do them all. Nor enough vacation.

I am going to miss having so much vacation. We can no longer roll over vacation time so unlike the 6 weeks that I have been accustomed to having available to take at my whim I will be stuck with just 4. And I know that sounds like a lot. But when you work for a company known for forcing you to take two whole weeks at Christmas on a last seconds' notice it leaves you with only 2. 2 that will probably be used next year to go to Hawaii. Which won't leave time for Disney. The Disney trip that we have been looking forward to for a while. Not that the kids won't enjoy it whenever we go, but it won't be the same then. I looked forward to the innocent wonder. And awe. Nor will I have time for the myriad of days here and there for little things. Like the Nutcracker market. And kayaking the bayou. And being able to hit the first day of market in Canton. Or my birthday. Or having a day just to veg in the hammock for no reason at all.

And then there is the grandfather clock. I loved the clock from the second I layed eyes on it. I wanted it so badly, but Kevin didn't like it. He preferred the more classic clocks. When the boys were born he bought it for me. It was waiting at home for me when the boys and I came home from the hospital. I was incredibly surprised. I cried.

It is also the clock that I, and I alone wind. And every time I look at the clock when it is time to wind it I discover that one or both of the hands is on top of the winding holes so I make a mental note to check back later. Only I never do. And eventually the clock just stops. Waiting for me to remember to wind it again.

The kids listen for the clock to chime. The chime is the harbinger of bedtime. Or breakfast time. Or time to go to school. Or just about any other thing I can come up with through out the day that I want their cooperation on. Luckily for me it chimes every 15 minutes. So it is always time for something. :) And the kids? Well, they think it's always 8 o'clock.

And now? It's bedtime, though I have a show half watched paused on the tivo, and a stack of unfinished calendar pages. And a long list of items jotted down to be looked up, and added to the calendar pages. Things that would be fun. And things I want the boys to see or do. I just added two more as they popped into my head. I don't know when I will find the time. And that's okay.